I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my
doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided
to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up
and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards
on, the class was over.
Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is
the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied,
"No peer pressure."
The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the! very
elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?" "98," she replied.
"Two years older than me." "So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?
I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement,
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half
blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different
medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have
bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet
anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But,
thank God, I still have my driver's license. (Must be from Florida)
An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she
had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she
wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher
exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice
My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as
sharp as it used to be.
I'm getting into swing dancing. Not on purpose. Some parts of my body
are just prone to swinging.
It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast
Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches.
Don't let aging get you down. It's too hard to get back up.
Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old
because you stop laughing. (AMEN, I say to that!)
THE SENILITY PRAYER : Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Macbook 2.2 GHz, OSX 10.6.8, Firefox 22.0
G5 Power Mac 1.8 GHz SP, Rev. B, OSX 10.3.9, 1.25 GB, Firefox 184.108.40.206
G3 iMac, OS 9